Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Luyanda,
Even if you don’t feel sick, given that your CD4 is 347 you need to be on medication. The medication will control your HIV. Your CD4 count will rise and your viral load will decrease. Please see here: http://i-base.info/guides/starting
Hi there, I’m hiv positive my cd4 is 347 I don’t want to take any medication cause I don’t feel sick, I’m just fine without the medication. Is it fine or is it a must to take the medication?
Hi Myra.
If you think there is a possibility that a child that you may know is positive, they need to be tested. This is because they may not show any outwardly signs of being ill.
How long can a baby 1 years old live with hiv virus before showing the symptoms
Hi Lebo,
Its difficult for me to answer this question as I don’t know you or your boyfriend. There is the possibility that he just needs some time to get used to the idea. However, there could be other issues.
It might be worth telling him that there’s no reason why you can’t have children together. Nor if there any reason why your status should be as issue. As long as you’re on medication and your HIV is under control there isn’t any risk to him. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Hi Lebo,
I met my boyfriend 3 weeks back we used to video call cos we are in a long distance relationship,I decided to tell him that I’m HiV positive then he said he was sorry cos he has been presurizing me to go for a test cos he want a baby and he still love me regardless but there is tension between us we no longer video chat he text only,must I give him space?I asked him if he was sure he still want to be with me after I told him about my status he said yes
Hi Busiswe,
There’s no reason why you can’t start trying now. However, you may wish to wait until your viral load is undetectable. This will protect your man if he’s negative.
My man want a baby and I just started taking ARV a month ago so how long should we wait until we can make a baby?
Hi Bobo,
A CD4 count this low would indicate that you’re living with HIV. Have you had a HIV test? This will confirm this. Its important to know about your status, more so because you’re pregnant. You’ll need ARVs for your own health as well as that your child. Please see the following link:
http://i-base.info/qa/4643
http://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy
http://i-base.info/guides/starting
Hi it’s Bobo again, they didn’t test my viral load but my cd4 count came back 57 which is extremely low. I am convinced I’m positive, the signs point to that as I had shingles early last year too. I am on Medstead and hope to get my cd4 count up as I’m pregnant, thankyou for your response on my last question