Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi im hiv+ and my boyfriend is negative he is a blood zero and we not using condom how dangerous it is? Im taking my treatment almost every day at the same time
Hi Lucia,
It’s great that you’re taking HIV treatment correctly and that your viral load is undetectable. Actually, you are doing all you can to protect your boyfriend from HIV. That’s because U=U or Undetectable = Untransmittable, even if you don’t use condoms.
I’m sorry to hear that it’s difficult to tell him about your HIV. It can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission is zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
http://i-base.info/htb/30108.
I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been googling about suicide, and sometimes not taking your meds. Please can you try to get some support? Maybe the clinic can help. And if you live in South Africa you can contact the Treatment Action Campaign at this contact link.
Please let us know how you get on.
I’m HIV+ & I take my treatment correctly…Dr said my virus is undetectable,does that mean if i go test i will test negative?
My boyfriend of 9 years doesn’t know about my status & I don’t know his either we use condoms almost all the time but how do i tell him about this..I find myself googling about committing sucide im afraid he will leave me & sometimes he visits & im afraid to take treatment
Hi Toby,
I’m sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s diagnosis. But does she have access to HIV treatment? If so, and if treatment has reduced HIV to undetectable levels, you cannot get infected, even if you don’t use condoms.
Please let us know how your girlfriend is getting on.
Hi my girlfriend is HIV positive do I get infected
Hi Demis,
I’m sorry but i-Base don’t have resources to answer more questions on HIV risk and HIV transmission. Please see this link to all answers for FAQs.
I have kissed a hiv positive girl.can I get infected?
Hi KK Jo,
If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable there’s no risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ If however your viral load is detectable your girlfriend is going to need to test.
I am HIV+ my girlfriend once had sex with me unprotected bcos I came back home tipsy (drunk). Will that make her positive?
Hi Gowtham,
If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable you can’t transmit HIV to your partner. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/