Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi
Please weeks ago me and my girlfriend went test which we discovered she was positive and am not , what can I do cause am feeling trouble here inside(confused) please I need help .
I have been sleeping with this guy without using condom,he rejected me after telling him that lam positive,how do l know that he infected me
Hi Kayla,
I’m sorry to hear this story. But it can be difficult to say who had HIV first.
But how is your HIV treatment going? Are you on HIV meds? Please let us know. If you have access to your viral load and CD4 results please tell us those too.
If you’re on HIV treatment and have an undetectable viral load, you can’t transmit HIV. That’s even if you don’t use condoms. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable.
Hi Zarndyle,
Your situation is very common and you have just been lucky. The risk of catching HIV is usually quite low, even if you don’t always use condoms. It’s also related to many things, including your partners viral load (ie how infections he or she is). Please see more at this similar Q&A.
But how is your boyfriend? Has he started HIV treatment (called ART)? The good news is that if you’re on ART and have an undetectable viral load, you can not transmit HIV. Even if you don’t use condoms. Please see more at Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) here.
Here’s an Introduction to ART. There’s a lot of info in this guide about starting ART.
Please let us know how you and your boyfriend get on at the doctors.
My boyfriend and I we had an unprotected sex buy accidentally and we went for check up after that we found that he is HIV positive and am negative all I wanna know how my changer to get infected am so stressed please help me and honestly I don’t know what to do i don’t wanna get infected but I love him I just need a counseling please help
Hi Stresses Mom 2b,
I’m so sorry to hear your story.
But it sounds good that you talked to your boyfriend about your HIV. And with modern HIV treatment (ART) many women have healthy HIV negative babies.
You can give your boyfriend a lot of info. Taking ART and having an undetectable viral load stops HIV being transmitted. That’s even if you don’t use condoms. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable at this link.
You can also ask your doctor or the clinic to support you during your pregnancy. And if you live in South Africa you can contact the Treatment Action Campaign at this contact link. They should be able to help with local support.
Please can you tell us how your treatment is going? What HIV meds are you taking? And if you have access to your CD4 count and viral load please let us know.
Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
hi
my boyfriend recently discovered that am hiv positive through my ex boyfriend who happens to be our colleague he had asked me several times about my status but I was scared of disclosing due to my past rejections I know I was wrong but I just wanted to belong and have a proper lasting relationship,eventually I had to come clean since am also pregnant
but recently he is distancing himself and no longer talk about our future as before I am so alone in this pregnancy and he is not willing to help even though ive explained to him that I would need help with some of my pregnancy need since am hiv positive,i feel like I should get ready for another rejection and to that I found his chats with his baby mama quite intimate should I leave the relationship as I get sense that theres no hope in us any more
Hi Acilvia,
It’s good that you are on HIV treatment (ART). That’s because if you have an undetectable viral load on ART, you don’t need to use condoms.
Please read more about Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) at this link.
Do you have access to your CD4 count and viral load results? Please let us know and also tell us what ARVs you’re taking.
I am on treatment of HIV my partner tested negative and he dont need condom what is going to happen to him
Hi Marcia,
As long as your viral load is undetectable, there’s no risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/