Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi all I am HIV positive since 2010 I am undetectable for 8 years
I am healthy going to gym and eat well
I am in live with my new girl friend as she is in love with me and we are planning our future love and have kids
I have not tell yet that I am HIV positive undetectable
our first meeting on 20/03/20 she coming to stay in my flat and exchange our love and romance we had build up from exchange of emails yes we do love each others a lots
Please can you advise me how can I tell her and how can start talking about it
I got it from my ex-wife
thanks
Hi Anon,
This is my opinion and not that of i-base, just be honest. Let him know and you know and take it from there. The relationship will either work or it won’t.
My boyfriend is HIV positive and he doesn’t want to disclose his status with me, instead he’s drifting away..I tried to have a general chat with him about HIV, ARVs drops viral load, there’s prep and pep and the virus to me is not a big deal cause I’m well educated about it. instead of talking to me he’s dumping me and I’m ready to support him..How do I tell him I know his status and I still want to be with him?
Hi Gabril,
It’s not my place to say if you should marry or not. However, if your partners HIV is under control, (which it should be if she’s been on meds for a year)then there’s no risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Good day,please the lady am about getting married too is HIV positive and she has been on treatment since late last year,please my question is can I still marry her and if I marry her can we still have babies without me or my future children going through the risk of getting infected? Please I need help cos I love this lady.
Hi Hamakaye,
Congratulations on the news that you and your wife are going to have a baby. It’s good news that your wife is HIV negative. This will make sure your baby is also HIV negative.
Have you started HIV treatment (ART)? If you are taking ART and have an undetectable viral load you can not transmit HIV even if you don’t use condoms. But if you are not on treatment, you can use condoms to stop your wife becoming HIV positive.
Please see the Introduction to ART. This guide includes information about the most important aspects of ART.
Please let us know how you get on.
Good morning,how you ensure that the unborn child is not contaminated by HIV virals when the wife is pregnant but not HIV positive, and the husband is HIV positive
Hi Youl,
It’s great that your current HIV negative boyfriend is fine about your status. So the good news is that there’s no reason for you not to have a normal life together.
And yes, you can have a baby and start a family. But it’s important that your viral load is undetectable. That means below 50 copies/mL.
Please talk to your doctor about your HIV treatment (ART) and make sure it’s working well. Your boyfriend can also see the doctor about the septic wound on his private part.
Once you are undetectable on ART, you can not transmit HIV even if you don’t use condoms. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) here.
And here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Hi
My situation is I was born HIV positive only found out she I was15 yrs..and have been taking my medication since 2009.
I have been having difficulties disclosing my status.They will just leave me.
My current boyfriend is HIV negative ,he has accepted .Yes we have protected sex all the time .But what worries me most he usually gets sick when am around for example he had a wound which was septic on his private part.will we be able to live a normal life.My viral load is near to undetactable.
We would also want to have a baby to start a family.Despite everything that some of his family members know and the don’t approve.and also he is not strong enough ,he doesn’t have information about living with HIV..I really want to have my own baby.
Will we be able to live a normal life now that he is negative
Hi Sunny,
As Angelina says on this Q&A, It’s very common for someone to still be negative even if they have not been using condoms with someone who is HIV positive. HIV is quite a difficult virus to catch, so your negative result is also related to good luck.
Has your girlfriend started HIV treatment yet? If so the risk of transmission will already be much lower. Then, once her viral load becomes undetectable the risk to you is zero. Please see the Partner study that shows HIV treatment (ART) stops transmission of HIV when your viral load is undetectable.
For more info please see Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).
How is your girlfriend? Has she started ART? Please let us know how it’s going.