Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi,
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I only found out that he is hiv positive in 2018…i was in shock got tested and the results were negative. Last year I tested again and the results came out negative. We have been having unprotected sex for 5 years. I want to take prep to protect myself.
Hi Lucy, I am sorry this is happening to you. Where in the world are you? In the UK, where i-Base is based, there is no law requiring you to inform partners. As your viral load is undetectable, there is no ground for reckless transmission. Have you been able to have a conversation with your boyfriend about this? If he is willing, you could direct him to this site. U=U explains why he would not be at risk. This is the link: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ There is also an e-mail service if he has any questions he’s like to ask that isn’t already answered on the website.
I am HIV,I have a boyfriend we have been having sex without protection, when I discovered I’m positive he threatened me,i tried to explain to him that I cannot transmit HIV to him because I use my arms correctly my viral load it’s ok,he is demanding to take me to court and sue me,please help me on what to do.
Hi Donata, HIV does not have a cure. HIV can be very well managed though. With current medication, HIV positive people can expect to live as long as an HIV negative person. There is research into finding a permanent treatment of HIV. As of now there has been one person cured, but the reasoning for how is still being researched.
Good pm,
Please my dear,HIV virus does it have cure?
I mean permanently cure?
Hi Xolela, thanks.
If you partner has an undetectable viral load there is no risk of transmission even without condoms or PrEP. HIV stays undetectable my taking meds carefully. Please see this link on U=U for more details.
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u
You don’t need both PrEP and U=U. However, it you do decide to use PrEP it means you both share the responsibility. Taking PrEP makes you in control of you own risk, rather than making your partner responsible. You would also share similar experiences with your partner and would understand this aspect of her life more.
I am a man who is dating hiv patrner. She uses ARVs correctly but I am not on PrEP – can i be infected?
Hi Nkateko, I you are taking HIV treatment, this will have protected your partner. If you have an undetectable viral load there is no risk to your partner even without condoms.
Hyy I’m HIV positive and my Boyfriend is HIV Negative and we slept without a protection and now we have a Baby so my Boyfriend can be HIV positive??
Hi Zemihle, I am really sorry that your partner treated you this way. It is not fair and it not acceptable – but we still get lots of people telling us that it has happened to them. It is difficult and upsetting – but you will be better without him, even if it doesn’t feel like this right now. Please use this time to become stronger in yourself. HIV is now easy to treat and you can plan to do everything that you wanted to before.