Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
hi am mimi am HIV positive i have been on medication for seven months now, can i get married now
Hi Jessica, thanks. There are lots of options and maybe one of these might help. Although there is never an easy or right time, if you are both committed to each other, then not having to hide your HIV status might be better for you in the long run, and might also less stressful.
Maybe talk about HIV in general first, without this being about you. You will probably have to be the person giving accurate information. including about treatment being effective and also protecting him.
If he is worth sharing your life will, he will stay. If he leaves, then it would not be a healthy relationship for you to stay in. I expect you alrady know which of these is most likely, but it is good to keep an open mind and you might be surprised.
This is 2022. We have effective ART. We can lead long and health lives. We can have HIV negative children. And U=U protects our partners too. Anyone who is not able to travel this exciting road with us as equal partners, doesn’t sound like a good person to plan your life with.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Am hiv positive and my partner is not aware including my family and am scared to disclose it to them….and his asking for a test for hiv I don’t knw wat to do
Hi Songz, there is no risk. Undetectable viral load prevent transmission, even if you don’t use a condom. See:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Hey how many chances to get infected whe your partner is on treatment and the viral load is undetectable, then have unprotected sex?
Hi Yussif, do you know your viral load? If this is under 200 there is no risk to the woman becoming HIV positive through sex. This is because below 200 you are considered undetectable, and at this point you are untransmissiable – you cannot pass on HIV via sex. Have you heard of U=U? It further explains that being on medication with a suppressed viral load it is safe to have sex without a condom: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
What a man having hiv the woman don’t have and the man is under medication for two years,
Can the woman get it true the man,,,
Hi Mandee, being on medication for a month is great but it is likely he will need a little longer before he is undetectable. Have you heard of U=U? It means that when your viral load is undetectable (this can take up to 3 months from starting medication) you are untransmissable and cannot pass on HIV via sex: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
While he is not undetectable, using a condom will provide protection from HIV or would his fiancee be comfortable using PrEP? PrEP is similar to HIV medication but is used to prevent someone from becoming HIV positive without using condoms. This would only be required for as long as his viral load being more than 200. After this his medication will provide protection and no further measures would be needed: https://i-base.info/prep-for-women/
My brother is HIV positive and he has been taking his medication for a month now, at a particular time on everyday, he confided in me and trusted me, but he is about to get married and the fiancee is getting scared to have unprotected sex with him, now my advice for both of them to go and do the test after a month to know wether I is not detectable and ask the doctors for advise regarding a skin to skin sex.
Hi Thato, is your boyfriend on medication? If his viral load is undetectable there is no risk to you. Undetectable means that he is untransmissable and cannot pass on HIV. This link will help explain this further: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ Also, using a condom will prevent transmission of HIV. As for using PrEP, where are you? Do you know where you can access this?