Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi, ARVs today are safe and effective, and so many HIV positive mothers can have HIV negative babies. Taking ARVs and being undetectable means that you can stay healthy and strong.
I am 29 years old and have two kids. I discovered my HIV status five years back when I was pregnant. I started using treatment, and my baby is negative. I’m still on ARVs and my viral load is undetectable, because I accepted it. But when I tell people that I’m positive they refuse it because I look good and strong.
Hi Ignatius, So sorry that you’re feeling scared. Many people get worried about being HIV positive. Especially when they first test positive. But it’s a good idea to properly plan having a baby, and also to make sure that you protect you partner’s health at the same time. Lots of HIV positive people can have healthy babies today. Talk to your clinic about getting support for you to do this.
You can find information about HIV, pregnancy and women’s health here:
http://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy
I’m a 19 year old boy who is HIV positive and I’m scared to confess that to my partner. I’m willing to make a baby that will be healthy but I’m also scared. I’m devastated and I don’t know what to do.
Hi, Sorry to hear that you’re feeling scared. But today, many women are in loving relationships with HIV positive men. And many of them go on to have HIV negative children. To protect your health – for yourself, for your kids and for your partner – it’s important that your partner is on treatment and that the viral load test shows HIV is undetectable. HIV positive people on successful HIV treatment now live healthy and long lives. Using condoms when you have sex will protect you from HIV.
I am 32 years old and a mother of 3 boys. I am in love with an HIV positive man. I love him so much but I am scared of my life and for my kids. How can you help me to overcome this.
Over the last few years there’s been a huge increase in research for a cure for HIV. A cure is a complex problem to solve. But scientists are working in lots of areas. There’s no sure way to know how long it will take to come up with a cure. It’s good that current treatment for HIV is helping people live healthy and long lives.
Can there ever be a cure for HIV/AIDS? Government should do something about it, to save people’s lives.
Hi
I am sorry to hear your news and I know this must seem like a difficult situation. Slowly, one step at a time, you can come through this though and things will get easier.
First, it is actually good that you have been diagnosed in time to start treatment. This will protect your health and your baby. This is currently more important than who you tell. It would be good to tell your clinic about your situation in case you can get support from talking to a health advisor, or to talk to other HIV positive women who have been though the same situation.
Now that you are on treatment, your viral load with drop over the next weeks and months and this will also mean you are unlikely to transmit HIV.
Other things to think about are whether your partner may also already be positive. Once you are settled and on treatment, then how you decide to talk about this will depend on your individual relationship.
HIV can make things difficult but it can also sometimes bring people closer together. If your partner is already HIV positive, he will need to test and treat for his own health. If he is not HIV positive, then because you are on treatment, your life can still go forward together with your planned family.
Please get support for yourself though from people who can help you through this time.
Good luck with everything.
I’m pregnant & I just found out I’m HIV positive I’m scared to tell my partner I’m even scared to tell my family I just start to take my treatment so that I can proctet my unborn baby plz help me I’m confuse my partner doesn’t want us to use condom