Question
If my boyfriend’s positive does that mean I am too?
25 September 2012. Related: All topics, Newly diagnosed, Sero different couples.
My boyfriend of almost two years tested HIV positive yesterday.
He’s been sick the whole time with malaria, coughing, tiredness, fever and skin rash. When he went to the doctor it was confirmed that he has HIV.
My worry is that when l was 5 months pregnant with our first child l had an HIV test and it came back negative. l have been breast feeding our child from birth.
So I am very confused if l have it as well or my baby has it because after birth we had unprotected sex. We only stopped 3 weeks ago due to his sickness.
Our baby is 4 months old now. I am so scared , I can’t stop crying. l feel he`s dying and I am scared our child is sick.
l turned 23 this month and he’s like 42yrs l loved him regardless of the age difference but ever since he told me I am so mad (and l pity for him at the same time )because he confessed to me that he was living a wild life back in the days.
Answer
Thank-you for your email. I’m very sorry to hear about your boyfriend’s diagnosis.
Has he started any treatment for HIV yet? If he has access to treatment when he needs this then it is very likely he will recover and be healthy again. People with HIV can live long, relatively normal lives. I can understand that you are upset but being HIV positive doesn’t mean your boyfriend is dying.
To know whether you or your baby has been infected you will need to be tested. Because you have been having unprotected sex with your boyfriend there is a chance you will have been infected. HIV tests are 95% accurate 4 weeks after the last time you had unprotected sex, so it’s a good idea to get tested as soon as possible.
If you are HIV negative your baby will also be negative. This is because HIV is passed from mother-to-child, not from the father.
Finally it’s important to try not to blame your boyfriend. No matter how ‘wild’ his life has been it’s not his fault that he is HIV positive. He is the same man now as he was before you found out he had HIV. It might help you to talk to a counselor or support group to deal with the shock of his diagnosis.
Hi Victoria, how is your partner doing? and has he started treatment?
When was your last HIV test and what symptoms have you noticed? ? Sleeping with someone HIV positive does not guarantee transmission. There are a number of factors that change this risk e.g, type of sex, other infections, genetics and even luck.
Have you had your baby tested?
For more information about testing and transmission please see here: https://i-base.info/qa/factsheets/hiv-transmission-and-testing
If my partner of 3 years just got confirmation of him being positive for aids ! I kept coming back negative while I was pregnant with our 18 month old baby, does it mean he had it all along when I am just noticing the symptoms just a month ago ? And will my baby have it since I breatfed her until she turned 1 ? I been getting tested every year as a precaution after finding out that islept with someone that was hiv postive ?! I kept getting negative results but now I am so fuqn devastated my partner just confirmed that his results came back positive for aids? Do I have ahigher chance of living longer with blood type O?
Hi Ivy, most people are in shock when they or their partner is diagnosed. How is he coping with this? HIV today is very different to earlier years. Modern treatment not only means your boyfriend can have a normal life, but it will also protect you. After a few months your boyfriend should have an undetectable viral load and after this it means you are not at risk. Have you also taken an HIV test?
I just found out that my boyfriend is hiv positive and he started his treatment yesterday, i am so scared to get sick
Hi Mash,
It’s not good that your clinic didn’t tell you to stop breastfeeding. The recommendations in parts of the world where there’s a lack of access to formula and clean bottles, is to breastfeed to six months.
However, the clinic must have worked out that your HIV treatment was working and that you were undetectable.
But it’s important that you talk to the clinic about your son. The latest research says that breastfeeding while undetectable is only a small risk to your baby. But I’m not sure if the research goes on for 15 months.
Do you have support where you are? In South Africa the Treatment Action Campaign is the largest HIV positive support organisation. They were responsible for the drive to get HIV treatment available in SA.
The main office is in Cape Town, but there are support groups and branches across the country, including in Jo’burg.
http://www.tac.org.za/contact
Please let me know how you get on.
Hi, I found out I was HIV postive in 2012, I was four months pregnant. When my son was 6 week, 10 weeks he tested negative. I was breastfeeding him, at the clinic they didn’t tell me to stop at 12 months. I breastfed until he was 15 months now am scared he may be postive.
Hi,
I am really sorry to hear about your boyfriend.
HIV is actually quite difficult to catch. It is not transmitted every time that you have sex with someone that is HIV positive.
Because of this your test is probably accurate. You may want to take another test just to confirm the result. However you do not need to be concerned about your status. The first test is a really good indication that you are negative.
I am 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend died of HIV/AIDS while i was 5 months pregnant. When it came back my test was negative, could it be wrong?
Hi Aphiwe,
ARVs shouldn’t stop you and your husband having a baby. If you are having problems conceiving this may be because of something else. To find out why you are having difficulties you could see a fertility specialist, if this is possible where you live.
Me and my husband we have been living with HIV for four years now. My husband is on ARV’s 3TC, efavirenz and another one that forgot now. We have been trying to get pregnant but we can’t. The doctors said that I don’t have a problem does this means is because of his treatment because I once got pregnant by him then had miscarriage, that was before he started treatment.