Question

If my boyfriend’s positive does that mean I am too?

25 September 2012. Related: All topics, Newly diagnosed, Sero different couples.

My boyfriend of almost two years tested HIV positive yesterday.

He’s been sick the whole time with malaria, coughing, tiredness, fever and skin rash. When he went to the doctor it was confirmed that he has HIV.

My worry is that when l was 5 months pregnant with our first child l had an HIV test and it came back negative. l have been breast feeding our child from birth.

So I am very confused if l have it as well or my baby has it because after birth we had unprotected sex. We only stopped 3 weeks ago due to his sickness.

Our baby is 4 months old now. I am so scared , I can’t stop crying. l feel he`s dying and I am scared our child is sick.

l turned 23 this month and he’s like 42yrs l loved him regardless of the age difference but ever since he told me I am so mad (and l pity for him at the same time )because he confessed to me that he was living a wild life back in the days.

Answer

Answer: Rebecca McDowall

Thank-you for your email. I’m very sorry to hear about your boyfriend’s diagnosis.

Has he started any treatment for HIV yet? If he has access to treatment when he needs this then it is very likely he will recover and be healthy again. People with HIV can live long, relatively normal lives. I can understand that you are upset but being HIV positive doesn’t mean your boyfriend is dying.

To know whether you or your baby has been infected you will need to be tested. Because you have been having unprotected sex with your boyfriend there is a chance you will have been infected. HIV tests are 95% accurate 4 weeks after the last time you had unprotected sex, so it’s a good idea to get tested as soon as possible.

If you are HIV negative your baby will also be negative. This is because HIV is passed from mother-to-child, not from the father.

Finally it’s important to try not to blame your boyfriend. No matter how ‘wild’ his life has been it’s not his fault that he is HIV positive. He is the same man now as he was before you found out he had HIV. It might help you to talk to a counselor or support group to deal with the shock of his diagnosis.