Question
How can I tell my partner after 3 months that I’m positive?
1 February 2018. Related: All topics, Disclosure.
i’m HIV positive and it been 10 years now i have a baby girl which is negative.
i didn’t planned to have unprotected sex with that guy because i ddnt disclose my status. But one day he insisted to have sex and there were no condoms than i agreed i got preg. I took meds during my pregnancy thats why my baby is ok.
I dated another guy he works in hospital labs i told him i thought he would understand but he didn’t and after 2 months he left me.
Now I’ve been in a relationship for 3 months and he wants to settle down. He wants to get married but i haven’t told him about my status. Now I am scared as I don’t want to loose him. I also don’t want to break his heart hes been a lot already.
I tried telling him over weekend but i couldn’t, please help.
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
Telling someone you’re positive, as you know can be hard. Some people understand, whereas other do not.
Maybe see how he reacts in a general conversation – not about you but maybe a friend or someone in the news. Then based on their response decide based on your instinct. If you think he’ll understand then tell him.
Being able to answer questions that he might have may help. For example, he may ask if he’s at risk. If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable, then you can them him this.
Many people are still frightened about HIV and don’t know the treatment prevents any risk. Please Google U=U for more info on this.
Hopefully he will also ask how you feel and how you manage this. About you about your quality of life. If you can share with him what you know about HIV that might help.
Hi Xicalativa, it is great to hear that you are undetectable. Do you know what your CD4 count is?
As you are on treatment with an undetectable viral load it means there is no risk of transmission to your husband. This is called U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Do you know how your husband feels about HIV? and would you feel safe telling him?
Telling someone about your status is very personal, even to people you are closest with. Only share your status if and when you want to and in a safe environment. Some people find having a friend who already knows be present to help share this information.
Have you had any discussions around HIV with your husband and how he responds to it?
Finding it difficult to share your HIV status is not uncommon. People all around the world struggle to find the right way to do this. As long it feels right for you, you already doing everything you need to. You can read more on our disclosure page to see how other people have handled this.
Disclosure Q&A: https://i-base.info/qa/category/disclosure
Im HIV positive since 2011, I was a kid then and didn’t understand much about it, only after few years I started my treatment. I got married in 2022 after discovering in 2021 that I was pregnant.
Till now I haven’t had the courage to tell my husband but I have to tell him. I have been undetectable for many years now.
Hi Amaka, congratulations on your pregnancy and it is great that you are on treatment. Do you know what your current viral load is?
When on treatment with a viral load below 200 there is no risk of transmission. This is called U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Do you know how your partner feels about HIV? and do you feel safe/comfortable to tell him?
Sharing your status is very personal and you should only do so if you want to. Having a friend/family member with you who knows your status can help make the situation easier. Have you had any discussions around HIV with him and have you been able to gauge how he responds to HIV?
Fear around telling someone your status is not uncommon. You can read through our disclosure Q&A to see how other people have addressed this: https://i-base.info/qa/category/disclosure
You can also direct him to this website to learn more about HIV and he can ask any questions he wishes through this service.
My name is amaka I’m hiv positive and I’m pregnant with him but I’m taking medince for it , how will I tell him that I’m hiv positive . I love him so much I don’t want to lose him because of my sickness
Hi April, have you looked at our disclosure Q&A? There are many people with similar questions to you. This answer may be of interest: https://i-base.info/qa/19039 Disclosing is personal. This is a decision that only you can make and you need to be sure you are in a comfortable and safe place when you do so. Is there anyone else around who you can speak with prior to telling your partner?
Hi im april i meet with an italian guy but we nevr try to make sex becos we didn meet yet now the whole problem s startn he wants me to fly to italia no problem but the fear thats in me s my hiv status becos i was born with it i love him dont wana lose him how wil i tel him to undrstan please help.
Hi Precious,
If your viral load is undetectable, there’s no risk, please see here:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
However, if you asked your boyfriend to wear a condom, then he should have warn one. Ignoring your wishes is a violation.
With regards to telling him about your status, if you think he might reject you due to your status, you might want to reflect on your relationship with this man. Being positive shouldn’t be an issue.
Hi my name is precious I am HIV+ I met my boyfriend recently so yesterday he was drunk we had sex without condom but I insisted he wears a condom but he went ahead without it and I haven’t told him about my HIV status please help me what can I do he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I love him