Q and A

Question

How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?

I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.

There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.

Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108

This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.

79 comments

  1. Josh Peasegood

    Hi Romorn, there is no obligation for you to disclose your status. Telling someone is personal and you need to make sure you feel comfortable and safe. You’re HIV is well managed as you are undetectable, not telling your partner is not putting him at risk.

  2. Romorn

    Hi i
    recently got Engaged to this guy we started playing out future together I really do love him but the problem is iam HIV undetectable but don’t know how to disclose it to him we already had unprotected sex

  3. hambeleleni

    My sister and brother don’t bother yourself with status please if you love your girl or boy just love her/him unconditionally,, learn to understand others status,,,,, however don’t be shy to your partner let a person know more about you

  4. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Sakhie,

    Relationships can be complicated, when you add a health condition that is stigmatized to the mix, this can worse. However, as to know you tell this man, I really can’t say. As you’ll see from this thread, the advice that we can give is minimal as how people deal with HIV differs.
    The main thing to know is that being positive shouldn’t be an issue, if it is then he’s not the right person for you.

  5. Sakhie

    I recently met a great guy.Havent disclosed my status but he has done so.im 39@he is 45….have a good job…How do I break the news about my status to him.Im scared he will call it quits.

  6. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Mawande,

    As you know for first hand experience, some people just can’t cope with their partner being positive. However, this isn’t to say that it’s always like this. Lots of people have relationships with negative people and being positive isn’t an issue.
    If you’re worried about telling your partner, it might be worth trying to find out what their views are about HIV. If they don’t know much about it, then try and educate them.

    As you might know, if you’re taking ARVs and your viral load is undetectable there’s no risk to your sexual partners. If someone knows there’s no risk then this might help.

  7. Mawande

    Hi, I just got into a relationship but I am afraid to give my all cause of my HIV+ status. In my previous relationship I desclosed about my status and my ex partner said he was ok with it but days later he started to react in a funny way, he neglected me n so I decided to end the relationship cause he didn’t wanna be with me but was scared to say cause he thought he would hurt my feelings. Now I’m in a relationship and I’m so scared to diclose my status to him cos I’m afraid of rejection n I so dearly love him.

  8. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Siwe,

    It might be a good idea to talk to him about how his HIV treatment (ART) is going. Modern ART is safe and effective. And it’s great to know that if your viral load is undetectable on ART, you can’t transmit HIV even if you don’t use condoms.

    Here’s a link to more info about Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U)>

  9. Siwe

    Hi I recently found that my partner is on HIV treatment and he has not told me anything about his HIV status .I want to ask him about it because we’ve slept a few times without using a condom. How do Ask him?

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