Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hello Julia and thank you for getting in touch.
Unfortunately, I-base is not set up for this purpose so we can’t publish private details about individuals.
Thank you very much for wanting to help.
We can still publish your comment without many personal details as the posts are visible online by anyone who visits the site.
I don’t know if safely to comment here but I will drop my email address kindly drop your email address too for better communication or WhatsApp number
Hi Eunice, thanks, you are asking about two things.
The first is about whether the guy you are dating is at risk of HIV? So long as you are taking HIV meds and have an undetectable viral load, your meds will also protect your partners. See here for info about U=U.
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
The second issue about talking with your partner about HIV is more difficult – and there is no right or wrong way. Many people think that there is no need for your partner to know given they are not at any risk. In reality, this may make your life more stressful if you are worrying. One strategy is to see your partners response if you just talk generally about HIV without talking about yourself. This could be a way to talk about U=U and to see how he reacts just to the information.
Hi my name is Eunice. My issue is that I have been dating this guy for over six months now, we have been sexually intimate and most of the times we’ve not been using protection. He is negative and am positive and I am scared of telling him of my status. What should I do because am scared of infecting him?
Hello Mo and thanks for getting in touch.
Your question comes up often and we have commented on it several times before.
You are not alone. This is a common source of anxiety.
I am very happy for you to have found someone you feel you can spend your life with.
The most important thing is for you to be in a relationship you can be yourself and are supported.
You could start a conversation about living with HIV without mentioning your status, to test the waters.
You could also try educating your partner about HIV and U=U
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
In the end, every relationship works better and can be deep and substantial when the people in the relationship are able to be themselves.