Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi I’m my name is Mo, I just found my life partner and the guy seem very serious about us as much as I am. My problem is I have not disclosed my HIV to him yet. I’m scared if I tell him I might loose him.
I’m actually planning of breaking the ice to him tomorrow but I’m scared I need your advice.
Hi David, it is great to hear that you have been on treatment for the last 4 years. Do you know what your viral load is?
After being on treatment for so long it would be expected that your viral load be less than 200/undetectable. In this case treatment suppresses HIV so much that it is impossible to pass on HIV via sex, even without a condom.
This is called U=U: https://i-base.info/guides/testing/uu-undetectable-untransmittable
Even with a viral load higher than this, being on treatment will still significantly reduce the risk. For this reason the most likely explanation is your girlfriend had been positive prior to you meeting. Had she had an HIV test before this in the time that you have been together?
Hi am David HIV positive am on medication more than 4 years and I got my girlfriend last year and we have been playing sex more than 10 and now she tested HIV positive.
Q.she was positive before or she got from me
Thanks let me know
Hi Ayo, how have you been coping with being HIV positive? and are you on treatment?
Do you know how you became HIV positive?
Telling a partner can be very difficult. Have you had any discussions with your fiancé around HIV and would you feel safe to tell them?
Does anyone in your family know or a friend? Having them be with you when you decide to tell your fiancé can help make it easier.
Please see our disclosure Q&A: https://i-base.info/qa/category/disclosure Many people are in the same situation as yoourself and it may be helpful to read how others have approached this situation.
I’m hiv positive house…..for good 5 months now and I don’t know how to tell my fiancé
Hi Emmanauel, it is great that you are undetectable. As your partner is a doctor hopefully this means they will have more understanding about HIV.
Is there anything specific that means you are fearful about telling her? Do you know how she feels about HIV?
I have a girl she is a medical doctor.i fear to tell her about hiv positive though I’m undetective
Hi Johanna, this is a difficult question and will be different for everybody. The only time that is right and when you feel comfortable and safe to do so. Have you had any discussions about HIV with your partner? and do you know how they feel about HIV? Have you told any of your friends/family that would be able to support you while telling them. Disclosing your status is personal and can be a process. It is not something you should feel rushed to do.
When is the right time to tell your partner about you status and without her\him leaving you after you have told him\her about your status?
Hi MC, it is great that you are being so supportive. Telling someone their status can be a very difficult thing to do. Even after, there may be feelings of regret/insecurity about sharing their status. Have you been able to have a conversation with your parter about how you feel about his status?
While he has been on medication, and using protection there is no risk of transmission. This is explained by U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Or are you able to give him some time? Being open about his status, he may need some time to readjust to you knowing. Each person is going to react differently to how they share personal information – even with those they love. Do you have any friends or family that can help?
Have you heard of the Terrance Higgins Trust? They will be able to provide further support: https://www.tht.org.uk/contact-us