Question
Can positive people marry and have a family?
13 July 2020. Related: All topics, CD4 and viral load, HIV transmission.
I’m positive, whereas my partner is negative, can we marry and have a family? Will I be negative if I take medication?
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
If you want to get married as well as have children, then yes, you can. Your HIV shouldn’t be a barrier to this. HIV is now easy to control and once on effective treatment, and your viral load is undetectable you can’t transmit HIV to a sexual partner. Please see here: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ Therefore you can have kids.
As you’re interested in having a child, you may find the following helpful: https://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy
With regards to becoming negative, your HIV is controlled by taking ARVs. If you were to stop taking meds, your viral load would rebound and your HIV would no longer be under control.
Hi Nkele, do you know your viral load? Taking your treatment regularly suggests that you will have an undetectable/below 200 viral load. If this is the case you are unable to pass on HIV via sex to your parter. Risk is also greatly reduced for baby, but baby would still need some treatment after birth. U=U is a campaign that explains when your viral load is undetectable, HIV is untransmissable: https://i-base.info/guides/testing/uu-undetectable-untransmittable
Do you know how your husband feels about HIV? and would you feel safe to talk to him about it? Disclosing your status is very personal and you should only do so if you feel comfortable and are in a supported environment. Some countries do have laws about requiring partners to disclose their status. Which country are you in? Many people are unsure about what to do in similar situations to yourself. This is a link to the i-base disclosure Q&A which might provide helpful advice for yourself: https://i-base.info/qa/category/disclosure
Hello am hiv positive married woman with 1 kids..i did not tell my husband about my status..we have been using condom..now he want us to start a family..i have been drinking my ARV
So I don’t no what to do..to tell husband about my status or go on ..
Hi Angela,
Oral sex is generally a low risk activity. It is likely to be zero in most circumstances.
It can depend on some factors. For full info please see this link https://i-base.info/guides/testing/oral-sex
Thank you
I heard that some one can transimite HIV through oral sex is this true.?
Dear Zina,
I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve put both your comments together here.
First I’d like to say that I’m sorry to hear your story. It sounds really tough. But you are doing all you can, so well done.
You’ve been on ART since 2007. So you’re undetectable and you have a strong CD4 count. And you are right about not infecting anyone because U=U.
It sounds like you have a good idea about telling someone you’re positive at an early stage of relationship. It can be difficult if we delay telling our new partner. Please use all the info on the U=U link above. This can help make it easier to discuss.
You can also look at this page about how we all feel when we’ve just found out we’re HIV positive. It might be that our partners go through the same thoughts when we tell them we’re positive. So this info might help you explain too.
If you’re thinking of having children, please see this guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health. The benefits of ARVs are not just to your own health. Treating your HIV will reduce the risk of your baby becoming HIV positive to almost zero.
Good luck and best wishes, Roy
Zina
Kindly help me iam on Art since 2007 and my Cd4 is 800 now I’m undetectable status. My sister disclosed my status to her friends everytime iam topic to pple it destroyed my relationships and it hard for me to date again because friends will go and tell boyfriend that iam taking Arvs pls help me how I’m gonna tell someone at early stage of relationship
Once I’ve being honest I lost that relationship but I’m 1000 I’m no longer infected anyone I was dating a guy for 6yrs we slept without condom since and he was not infected because I was taking medication proper but he was not aware but now since I’m afraid of disclosing my status I preferred to keep it secrets and take medication
Hi Sarah,
Drug resistance usually happens when someone doesn’t adhere to their medication, therefore as long as you both adhere to your meds then you’ll be fine. As you’re both on medication, you don’t really need to use condoms as you’re protected by the ARVs.
If the couple is both on ARV’s but do not use a condom, will they both become resistant to the meds their taking?
Hi Nama,
The aim of taking ART is to get your viral load to below 50 copies/mL. This is called being undetectable.
The good news is that being undetectable means HIV can not be transmitted. That’s even if you don’t use condoms. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) here.
If you are undetectable on ARVs you can’t pass on HIV. So you can’t pass on resistance.
If someone is hiv-and got infected by someone who is on haart does that person becomes resistant to ARVS.