Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Sipho,
I’m not sure about your comment. But do you mean you are scared of catching HIV?
If your girlfriend is taking HIV treatment (ART) and has an undetectable load, HIV cannot be transmitted even if you don’t use condoms.
Having an undetectable viral load can also reduce the HIV risk to your baby to close to zero.
Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
And here’s a link to Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).
Hi gays I really need help like am confuse and stress my girlfriend she’s HIV + I got tested 2019 March am HIV – . We already have a babe ,I ddnt know that untill she got pregnant…May you please help me am really scared now.
Hi Dinesh,
It’s really great that you want to be with your boyfriend while he lives a long and healthy life.
The good news is that with modern HIV treatment (ART) people who are HIV positive can have a life expectancy the same as someone who is HIV negative. A great many people who are taking ART are now living long and healthy lives.
For more info, here’s an introduction to ART.
Does your boyfriend have access to ART? Because there’s more good news. And that is if a person is on ART and has an undetectable HIV viral load, then HIV cannot be transmitted. That’s even if they don’t use condoms.
Here’s a link to Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).
I have a boyfriend that we are gay couple but he is HIV positive how I can live with him long healthy life also with our sexual life. I love him a lot please help me
Hi Kea,
As Lisa says on this Q&A, it can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are going to be involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
Please see the link to the Partner Study. And here’s the link to Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).
I was diagnosed in 2013 been on treatment ever since, I got divorced in 2017 and I’m now in a relationship with this amazing guy who wants to take our relationship to the next level but haven’t disclosed my status to him and wants us to get tested, I’m not sure if I must just end the relationship or just come clean. I love him so much but I’m scared to tell him.
Hi Hazel,
Thanks for this comment. A few people somehow manage to control HIV without taking ARVs. But most of us need to take them to stop HIV damaging our immune systems.
However, I also feel what Owen is saying. And I agree with Lisa’s reply, “Being able to educate people is important, explaining that you can’t transmit might help.”
And that’s what’s worked for me too!
Hi Owen, I feel what you are saying, I was also diagnosed with HIV but to tell you the truth, I don’t think I have it or it is sleeping and am not on any ARVs over 2 years now am very healthy and don’t get sick with anything except normal seasonal flu. I still have to go and do tests though to see if it is still in my body but is not active. All the best
Hi Owen,
Unfortunately this is one of the things that people who are positive encounter. It’s a massive shame, because HIV stigma should really be a thing of the past.
Though you’ve had some issues, it’s not a given that it will always be this way. Lots of people date people and it isn’t even an issue. Being able to educate people is important, explaining that you can’t transmit might help. That’s what’s worked for me.
Hi, I was diagnosed in March this year and relationships are a problem. I have to be honest the stigma is worse than the condition. I have dated three women and all of them have very negatively bias attitudes towards hiv. I didn’t feel that I could Disclose to them that I was hiv + and undetectable. As soon as people hear hiv they automatically think aids and imminent death. I’m dating again but the time will come (before things get physical) that I’ll either have to end the relationship or disclose my condition. I’m dreading it as she is a very sweet lady, prospective partners do need to know.