Question
Why am I HIV negative if my boyfriend is HIV positive?
29 January 2018. Related: All topics, HIV transmission, Sero different couples.
My partner and I recently went for an HIV test and my results came negative while his came positive. This is very strange because in the 2 years that we have been together, we hardly ever use a condom?
How does this come about? are there other cases like mine? is this possible?
Answer
Hi, how are you doing? and how is your partner?
Your situation is very common and you have just been lucky. The risk of catching HIV is usually quite low, even if you don’t always use condoms. It also related to many things, including your partners viral load (ie how infections he or she is).
The risk is highest in the first few months after infection (1 in 10 or higher). After the first year when viral load is lower, this might only be 1 in 500.
Depending on the type of sex you have, and how often, with these number you see how it could just be luck. You could still catch HIV the next time you are at risk. You should also have another HIV test in 3 months, to check that you were not infected in the few months prior to your original test.
A small percentage of people (less than 1% in the UK), have genetic protection against HIV infection. There are no commercial tests that are able to check this.
While many people think (or hope) they have this protection, and that they will be lucky and not catch HIV if they don’t use a condom, in reality they are usually wrong. This is why numbers of new infections are still increasing each year.
Your partners diagnosis sounds like it was a shock for both of you. Take time to find good resources and support, both for your partner and yourself while you come to terms with what has happened. This affects people in all sorts of ways, but with good treatment and care, your partner can expect to lead a long life.
Also, once your partner has undetectable viral load in ART, they are no longer able to transmit HIV.
For more information on monitoring and treatment see the i-Base Introduction to ART. Please also tell your partner that i-Base run a free treatment phoneline if he would like to talk directly about his care.
This answer was updated in January 2018 from a question posted in October 2007.
i’m hiv positive and on treatment,my bf i negative but he doesnt want us to use condoms,i recently miscarried in 6weeks,now my worry is him getting infected and,will my viral load change siince it was undetectable before miscarriage.i also got an infection’from sleeping with him after miscarriage.
Hi Nakia,
HIV positive men can have children without infecting their partners. Please see our pregnancy guide for more information. Let me know if you have any questions.
I don’t have any children yet and I want some. I just recently found out that my boyfriend is HIV POSITIVE. I don’t want to leave him but at the same time I honestly don’t know what to do…….
It sounds like you need to talk to someone to get counselling about both your own HIV health and about your current relationship. It doesn’t sound like this is a good relationship to be in. If your partner is threatening you with violence, how can this help you or your long term health. Is there a local support group where you can get support.
Now you are HIV positive you are not at risk from becoming reinfected by your own HIV again.
You are unlikely to ever know whether you caught HIV from your partner or if you have infected him. It doesn’t sound like it will be easy to talk about this either.
I don’t know you and I am not in your situation, but it sounds like pulling back now to concentrate on your own future will give you a better chance of getting on top of HIV and getting control over your health and life.
I tested hiv pos last year and have recently started taking my meds. The problem is my boyfriend- im too scared to tell him of my status bcoz he’ll leave me and he swore he’d kill me if i gave him hiv so i lied that im hiv-. He also claims he’s neg but from what i learnt he’s basing his status on a Full bloodcount (fbc) test he did and not a proper hiv test. we’ve never been tested together and we’ve been havin sex for 20mnths nw. I suggested we use condoms and he got really angry or wld remove it. So now when we have sex he doesn’t ejaculate inside me. My question is what are the chances that i’ve infected him and am i re-infecting myself?
thanks for your assistance.i have read all the questions from my fellow friends and the answerers you surrendered.
Thanks
I’m sorry but this isn’t our area of expertise. There are HIV positive dating websites, which you may find useful. I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks so much for your quick response.the only people I know living with this virus are the ones I meet at the vct whenever I go for my drugs.and most of them are aged.I have searched for ways to meet single girls online,maybe through a faceless date website but all to no avail.although I know this isn’t any of sort,I will appreciate if u can be of help.I’m 31yrs of age,good looking and financially moderate.thanks and hope to hear from u soon.
Hi Spiderman,
I’m sorry to hear that your HIV diagnosis has had this affect on your relationship. Disclosing your HIV status can be very difficult, especially to sexual partners. The Terrence Higgins Trust has a section on their website with tips about who to tell, and how to tell people. You may find this information useful, or you might find it helpful to speak to somebody who has been through this before. Do you know any other positive people outside of your relationship?
I found out I was hiv positive about 3years ago.this made me break-up with my girlfriend for fear of not getting her contacted with the virus.I then met with a girl who is also positive who I have been dating for close to 2years now.but the problem is that this girl lacks so many things I desire in a wife.for this reason,I’m always thinking of going back to my ex.we still keep in touch and for that she did nothing wrong to me and still doesn’t know the reason that led to my breaking up with her.but I’m scared that if I go back to her and tell her my status,she might not be able to continue and most of all,keep my secret.please what do I do?