Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
For information about HIV transmission please see:
http://i-base.info/guides/testing
All the things your girlfriend has told you are easily possible.
Hi Doc,
My girlfriend just told me now that she has HIV and she tested positive since 2007, but till now, no sign of the symptoms and she is not on HIV medication. How possible is that? I’m thinking is a wrong result.
Because in 2011 she got pregnant with the ex-boyfriend and the guy is negative. Please help me with the answer.
Hi N
If your viral load is undetectable on treatment then at least the risk of your partner catching HIV is dramatically reduced. It may even get close to zero.
However, if you are afraid to tell him because you are afraid of his reaction, then you know this is more about psychological issues than actual risk.
Perhaps see if a health advisor at your clinic can talk through ways to think about this. Or support from people in a similar situation at a support group.
PErhaps try to talk about HIV generally to see his reaction. Or talk about news stories about how treatment reduces the risk of infection.
Has he never talked about HIV? Has he ever had a test? Is there any chance he may also be positive?
Lots of questions that would be good to work through with someone who knows your situation well. It can be very stressful for you to have to hide this part of your life – and that can’t be good for your health.
It can be very lonely to be in a relationship with secrets. If he would reject you because of your status then why would you want to be with him anyway. If he is together enough to understand HIV in 2014 is completely different, he should support you and the relationship is then worth fighting for.
I just found out that I’m HIV positive and on medication and I sleep with my man without a condom just scared to tell him, he love me so much what can I do help plz
I’ve fallen in love with a man who is HIV positive and I’m negative. He’s on meds and his count is above 300. I want to make love to him using a condom. I have several questions about the do’s and don’ts on foreplay, is there any specific type of condoms; and how about the type of spermisize (sp) cream to use. And lastly, any info is appreciated because I’m new to this subject..
Hi Jae,
Congratulations!
If your foreplay is not penetrative then there is no risk of HIV transmission. Oral sex carries a low risk of transmission. Oral transmission usually have to do with oral and dental problems and a high viral load.
You can find information on how HIV is transmitted here:
http://i-base.info/guides/testing/ways-that-hiv-is-not-transmitted
Good luck and may you guys live a long and hiv free life. Happy and healthy too.
Hi
Talking about HIV with a new relationship is always difficult.
On the one hand you might be worried about a bad reaction even before you really know the person. There are lots of examples of where the information is not respected and it can make you more vulnerable.
On the other hand, not talking before you sleep with a new partner is often likely to be difficult if you decide you want to taken the relationship further.
If your are taking HIV meds and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk to your partner of catching HIV is minimal. For example, this study reported no transmissions after more than 44,500 exposure’s when condoms were not being used.
http://i-base.info/htb/24904
If you partner is no used to HIV though, this may still be difficult. The issue of trust and then learning about HIV take time.
Good luck with everything.
Im hiv postive,and I sleepy with a man three times,that I care alot about.and I did not tell him to later about me having hiv.he is very mad at me.and it hurts so bad.my visue is undected and I take my meds.what should I do?I dont want to loss him..
Hi Patrick,
Is your wife on treatment for her HIV? Treatment can prevent an HIV positive person passing HIV to her partner. If she is not on treatment you are putting yourself at risk everytime you have sex without using condoms. There is more info about this in our FAQs from couples where one person is positive and the other is negative.