Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi I’m having some HIV Symptoms but I don’t really know if am infected already or not.I’m scary of going for Medical checkup please what should I Do?
Hi Jojo, how is the girl you are dating doing? Is she being supported? You should not be feeling angry or making her feel bad for being HIV positive. Her status is not something that she could have helped. If you are dating her you need to be supporting her.
Is she on treatment? If she is with a suppressed viral load (below 200) there is no risk of transmission. When someone has a viral load below 200 and on treatment they are unable to pass on HIV via sex. This is explained by U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
There are other methods to prevent transmission if treatment is not suitable or her viral load is not suppressed. You can used PrEP. This is a treatment you can take either daily or as and when and is used to prevent transmission regardless of this persons viral load. PrEP: https://i-base.info/guides/prep If this is not suitable you can use condoms. This will prevent HIV transmission. Please follow this link for more information about transmission risk: https://i-base.info/guides/testing/risks-for-transmission
I’m currently dating a hiv positive girl but now I’m scared of her because of my health. I don’t know what to do. I get angry at her some times because of her status.
Hi Daniel, thanks. I am sorry that i-Base don’t give out personal contact details for people to connect. Are you in touch with any local HIV organisations? This can be a good place to meet people. There are also some dating Apps that cover.
Poz.com in the US also run and international personals service for people to connect:
personals.poz.com
My name is Daniel am from United Kingdom am hiv positive age 40 yrs looking for a lady with the same status of mine to get married with.
Hi Mandisa, does your boyfriend know his viral load? As he is taking medication his viral load should be suppressed. If it is below 200/undetectable, transmission via sex is not possible and a condom is not required. This is called U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ If his viral load is suppressed but above 200, there is some risk of transmission but medication significantly reduces this.
Hi my boyfriend is HIV positive but he is taking his meds ARV so is it risky for me to get infected if we having unprotected sex
Hi Joseph, is your parter taking HIV treatment? If she is and her viral load is below 200 there is no risk of transmission. This is explained by U=U: https://i-base.info/guides/testing/uu-undetectable-untransmittable
If your partner is not, or her viral load is more than 200, you can use PrEP. PrEP is a drug similar to HIV treatment but is used to prevent infection rather than to treat. If you used PrEP you would not need to use a condom and there would be no risk to yourself. PrEP: https://i-base.info/guides/prep
Your partner being on treatment is the most important thing to prevent your baby being HIV positive.
Hi i need help i have this girl who is hiv positive and I’m hiv negative and she wants to have a child with me and I’m planning to give her a child but I’m scared of my health because i don’t want to be affected and she born with it so i need help that is my problem
Hi Ecun, have you done an HIV test?