Question

My partner tested positive and we’ve not had sex for a month?

6 September 2012. Related: All topics, HIV testing, HIV transmission, Pregnancy, Support.

I am HIV negative. My current boyfriend has just recently tested positive for HIV.

Since his diagnosis I find myself worried about scared about contacting this virus. So due to this we have not had any sex contact in month.

My questions is. What are the chances of myself being effected during sexual intercourse?

Also what would my chances of us being able to have a child together?

Also what is the best method to use that will help prevent and insure myself I will not be infected?

Thank you for taking the time reading my question and replying back to me.

Answer

Answer: Simon Collins

Hi

The news that your partner is positive will take time to come to terms with for both of you. Even if you thought this was a possibility before the test, the reality of knowing will make thing feel different now. If you had never thought of this before, the news now will be making HIV the only thing you can think about.

While you are finding your way through this, sex might not be the most important thing that either of you are thinking about.

You will both be worried about your health, his health and the impact on your future. Getting good information is a good place to start. Sex will only come when you both feel that is is right and it will also take time to get used to because you are now thinking about HIV.

Read this guide to HIV and sexual transmission. Some sections will be more relevant than others, but especially look at the sections on HIV basics, on viral load and on condoms, but other sections talk about oral sex, type of sex, genetics and luck.

So using condoms will be essential, and this will be different if you have not been using them before. But both male and female condoms if used carefully will protect you against HIV. Using them properly may take a bit of practice, and your partner will have to check they are still in place during sex.

If your partner has a low CD4 count, he may need to start treatment. If his CD4 count is high, he may have the option of starting treatment earlier to reduce the risk of sexual transmission. Within a few months this will bring his viral load down to levels that make sexual transmission very unlikely. Condoms are still recommended but the low viral load helps lots of people feel more relaxed about the potential risk for a condom breaking or coming off by accident.

Many couples where the man is positive and the woman is negative have children. See this link when the man is positive and the woman is negative.

If you have other questions about treatment, please let us know.

This will be a difficult time for your relationship while you both work through the things that are currently worrying you, but sometimes this makes relationships stronger.

Getting in touch with a local support group may help you meet other people who have gone through similar experiences or to get counselling support.

I hope things turn out well for both of you.