Question

I have just found out I am HIV positive. My partner is unsure if he wants to stay.

25 February 2022. Related: All topics, Disclosure, HIV transmission, Newly diagnosed, Sero different couples, Starting treatment, Support.

I just found out I am HIV positive and my partner is not. Right now he is in two minds on whether to continue the relationship or not. Please how can I convince him that we can still be together? I need answers, please I am in a really confused state .

Answer

Answer: Josh Peasegood

Hi, how are you doing?

I am sorry to hear that you have recently found this out. This must be a difficult time for you, adjusting to being HIV positive. Do you mind me asking if you and your partner were both tested? and how long have you been together?

Have you been able to speak to anyone about being HIV positive? While your partner is in two minds it may be of help to you if you talk with someone about how you are feeling. This could be a friend or family member, someone that will be supportive.

Being HIV positive is not a defining trait of a person. Unfortunately HIV does still hold stigma but it should not be a reason for someone to leave. You are still the same person as you were when you were HIV negative. Have you started medication for HIV yet? HIV medication can help manage HIV well enough that it does not impact on your health. There is no risk to your health or passing on HIV while on medication. U=U explains this really well.

There are many couples who are serodifferent (one is positive, the other negative) and lead healthy and happy lives. Having children is not even a problem while on medication. Finding out that you are HIV positive is daunting but it does mean you can be in control of your own health. Finding out now allows you to start medication and lead a healthy lifestyle, this will also reduce transmission to your partner. While you are waiting to become undetectable, using condoms will prevent transmission.

A decision about whether your partner wants to stay with you should not be based on your status. It should be based on how good your relationship is. If you both want to continue because you are good together, your status should be irrelevant.

Good luck talking with your partner and if you have any further questions please get in touch,

Josh.